Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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