Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
