I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
