My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
