The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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