Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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