we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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