So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
