too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
