so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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