no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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