remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
