bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
