im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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