My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
