If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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