absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
