i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
