thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
