i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
