I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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