he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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