I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
