and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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