I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
