he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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