She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
