so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
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New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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