butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
