That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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