So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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