This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
