I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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