I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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