i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
