I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
