we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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