no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
