just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
