Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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