I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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