Duck Duck Cougar?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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