I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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