Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have fence marks all over my body
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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