I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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