He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
