I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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