I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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