Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
