ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
