We won't sleep together?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
