Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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