Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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