You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize