Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
