so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
