I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
