I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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