So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
