Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
