so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
