I puked a lego.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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