Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
