I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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