Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
