The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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