Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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