Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
