It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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