he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
