When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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